More couples choosing nontraditional wedding dress codes

When Julia and Robert Jones discovered that a judge from the Akron Municipal Court officiated ‘Star Wars’ themed weddings on May the Fourth, the couple felt the force calling them to commit to the ceremony. “There was no other right decision, that was it,” Julia Jones said. The Jones joined …

NEW YORK — “Space Disco Cowboy.” “Yacht Shabbat.” “Burning Man Formal”? More couples are tossing tradition when it comes to what wedding guests should wear, to some befuddlement among invitees.

Maggie Long, 34, recently attended the nuptials of a close friend in a low-key Denver lounge. The suggested dress? “Dive Bar Semiformal.”

Wedding guest Maggie Long, left, poses with groom Travis Holquin, in green tux, center left, and bride Hannah Holquin, center, at a dive bar-themed wedding in Denver on April 1.

“I love a theme,” said Long, who lives in New York. "It's fun that people aren't taking weddings so seriously, but I had no idea what that meant."

After exchanging thoughts for months with the officiant, who is also a friend, Long took her outfit idea — a strappy ultra-mini dress — to the bride. The bride deemed it a bit too “Kardashian cosplay.” Long finally settled on a slinky gold lamé number by Norma Kamali, and a great time was had.

“There were a lot of vintage jumpsuits. One of our friends went full 1960s with go-go boots and a bouffant. A lot of sequins were happening," Long said.

Some couples are offering mood boards as a way to guide guests, including older ones. At the dive bar wedding, Long said plenty of older guests got into the spirit. One donned a rainbow tie-dye T-shirt, à la the Grateful Dead.

Other wedding guests have contended with “Tropical Formal," “Snappy Casual” and “Garden Party Whimsical.”

Heading into the busy summer season for weddings and other special events, Indya Wright in Washington, D.C., has had enough.

She recently posted on Twitter: “These new age event dress codes are the bane of my existence. What happened to just 'casual,' ‘cocktail’ and ‘formal’? Now I gotta Google ‘After 5 Formal Festive Renaissance attire’ to figure out if you want me to give Great Gatsby or King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table.”

Wright, 35, remains frustrated. The wedding of a college classmate had a “smart, but not too smart casual” dress code.

Emily Coyne, founder of Emily Coyne Events based in San Francisco, said wacky dress codes come down to couples striving to make their nuptials custom and unique.

“The key is making sure there’s communication behind the dress code. Don’t just confuse guests,” she said.

Wedding guests who adhered to the dress code of "Space Disco Cowboy" pose at a wedding in Austin, Texas, on March 30, 2019. More than ever, wedding guests are contending with nontraditional dress code requests.

When her company builds wedding websites for clients, it includes descriptions for dress codes like “Wine Country Chic,” urging couples to offer a broad enough palette for people to express themselves. “Tropical Formal,” for instance, could be long, flowing dresses in bright summer colors and linen suits with playful ties.

“Most guests have a lot of fun with it,” Coyne said.

Rikki Gotthelf, 32, in Los Angeles, attended a wedding recently and has three more this year. She was a bridesmaid for the “Space Disco Cowboy” nuptials of friends who shuttled their guests to an abandoned ghost town near Austin, Texas.

“We had these shiny intergalactic Batsheva prairie dresses. Mine was iridescent,” Gotthelf said. “Another wedding I went to was ‘Funky Formal.’”

For guidance, Gotthelf turned to Sophie Strauss, who bills herself as a “stylist for regular people.” Strauss suggests following up with the couple if they haven't made themselves clear.

“They won’t be offended,” she said. “They’re invested enough in how everyone looks to have put forth a kooky dress code.”

One of her clients has a “Music Festival Formal” wedding coming up.

“He clarified with the couple that it’s more Woodstock, less Burning Man. Good to know,” the stylist said.

The difference? Hippie flowy dresses, bell bottoms, tunics, tie dye, big round sunglasses and woven headbands for the former. “Mad Max-meets-Carnival on mushrooms” in lamé, combat boots, rhinestones, body paint and goggles for the latter, she said. Her client decided on a neutral-tone linen suit with a vintage beaded necklace or two.

Julia and Robert Jones exchange vows during their "Star Wars"-themed wedding in Akron, Ohio, on May 4.

She implored guests staring down out-there dress codes to remember: “It's not a costume. Unless, of course, it's literally a costume party.”

Small adjustments may be enough, like wearing a regular suit but swapping out a dress shirt for one in an on-theme pattern. James Berger, 32, in Las Vegas, was among guests told to express their inner spirit. He managed a bow tie with multicolored polkas and a formal suit that left him feeling “slightly out of place” among a sea of vibrant colors.

Strauss, the stylist, regularly faces the issue among her clients.

“I had a client who had to do a ‘Fancy Ranch’ theme a few months ago and she was tempted to go buy a new outfit from head to toe,” she said. “But pairing some cowboy boots with a sundress or swapping a tie for a bolo tie goes a long way. And if you’re really into it you could add a cowboy hat. You don’t need to dress like Orville Peck to fit the theme, though if that’s your style, oh my god go for it!”

There's often sentimental meaning behind wedding themes. Madison Smith, 32, is a May 2024 bride and her dress code calls for “Black Tie Sunset Glam.” The wedding will be held at the Bonnet Island Estate in Long Beach Island, New Jersey.

“It's in honor of my late grandfather," she said of the theme. “His favorite thing was the sunsets where I’m getting married."

Her vision? Sunset-colored gowns of oranges, yellows, purples, blues and pinks with fun accessories, and tuxedoes with bow ties and pocket squares of the same colors.

Smith, in Arlington, Virginia, hasn't left guests guessing. She works for Pinterest and has already been pinning inspiration to give them a boost. Her bridal shower guests have a board of their own to tackle Smith's “LoveShackFancy” dress code.

“They have no precedent for an unusual dress code where a couple calls for something other than black tie, formal, cocktail or casual attire. When you receive an invitation that reads ‘Festive Hudson Valley Chic’ or ‘Tropical Hipster,’ it can certainly bode more questions than less for those used to more traditional themes,” said Amy Shey Jacobs, founder of Chandelier Events in New York.

“Gay Garden Party.” “Black Tie Fabulous.” “Colorful Cocktail.” “Sparkle and Shine.” “Red Carpet Ready.” Jove Meyer, owner and creative director of an eponymous event planning company in Brooklyn, has handled all of the above in dress codes.

“As much as I love a fun and unique dress code, I always suggest couples clarify exactly what they mean with a descriptive sentence or two so there's no guessing,” he said.

The average American wedding costs between $10,000 and $28,000. Some couples will spend up to $100,000 for a lavish event – or more. But the cost of a wedding doesn't only depend on the couple and their tastes: It also depends on where you live, and where you intend to get married.

To find where wedding costs are most and least expensive, SmartAsset examined wedding cost, income and savings data for 344 metro areas. The results may make you think twice about where you choose to get married.

Key Findings:

1. Honolulu, HI

If you're aiming for a destination wedding, Honolulu will cost you – $27,797 to be exact. While you can certainly aim for lower or higher, this median wedding cost was the highest of the bunch. With a Honolulu income, this will take a couple about 7.78 years to save for.

2. San Jose, CA

San Jose households earn the highest median income at $148,845, giving residents an edge when it comes to saving for a wedding. The average wedding cost of $27,378 is just a few hundred dollars shy of Honolulu.

3. Oxnard, CA

The Oxnard-Thousand Oaks-Ventura metro area, located up the coast from Los Angeles, ranks 266th overall, as it takes 7.10 years to save for a $26,991 wedding. Residents here would have to save an average of $3,797 per year.

4. Bridgeport, CT

Couples in the Bridgeport-Stamford-Norwalk area face an average wedding cost of $26,719. The cost of living in the Bridgeport area is about 29% higher than the average American metro, while the median household salary is $107,261.

5. New York City, NY

The NYC metro area unsurprisingly has a costly average wedding at $26,206. When compared with the top four most expensive places for a wedding, New Yorkers would have to save less ($3,323 per year). However, it will still take them longer – 7.88 years to pay for that wedding.

6. Los Angeles, CA

In general, the Los Angeles-Long Beach-Anaheim metro area costs 52.5% more than the average U.S. city. A wedding costs $25,713, and it will take 7.91 years to save for this milestone on an $87,783 household income.

7. Seattle, WA

It takes 6.40 years to save for the average $25,639 wedding in the Seattle-Tacoma-Bellevue metro area. Living in Seattle is just as expensive as Los Angeles, with a 52.2% cost of living premium.

8. Philadelphia, PA

Couples in the Philadelphia metro area have low median salaries when compared with other expensive places for weddings. This puts savers at a particular disadvantage. It takes 8.09 years to save for a $25,448 wedding on an $85,127 salary. Only 10 metro areas have longer savings times.

9. Washington, DC

The Washington-Arlington-Alexandria metro area ranks 40th for the time it takes to save for a wedding – 5.75 years. While a wedding here costs just a few dollars shy of $25,000, this metro area has the second highest median household income ($117,417).

10. New Haven, CT

The average wedding in the New Haven-Milford metro area costs $24,759. With a relatively low median household income of $80,113, it takes 8.35 years to save for this milestone without any financial help.

On the other hand, some places offer particularly inexpensive weddings. While local wages may suppress the time it takes to save in some of these areas, they have the least expensive weddings by cost. Only Tuscaloosa and Waco also make the top 10 list when it comes to the shortest time to save up.

1. Waco, TX

The lack of state income taxes in Texas and a low cost of living will help expedite saving for a wedding in Waco. An average wedding costs $11,120, which will take 4.70 years to save up for on the local household income.

2. Tuscaloosa, AL

Tuscaloosa has the least expensive weddings, sneaking in under Waco at $10,045. However, the average household income is about $6,500 lower at $57,453. This means that couples here will have to save for 4.72 years – slightly longer than in the Waco metro area.

3. Cape Girardeau, MO-IL

The Cape Girardeau metro area ranks closely to Waco and Tuscaloosa. It takes 4.74 years to save for a wedding here. Meanwhile, the cost of living is about 5% cheaper than average.

4. San Jose, CA

The San Jose metro area has the highest wedding costs of all, but the high incomes here help compensate for the costs. A wedding averages over $27,000 in San Jose, but the household income sits at nearly $150,000. So it will only take couples 4.97 years to save for a wedding.

5. Bowling Green, KY

The annual savings for a household in Bowling Green is $2,246. At that rate, it'll take just over five years to save for a $11,282 wedding.

These places have a particularly high wedding cost relative to the local median income. It takes more than eight years to save for a wedding in these areas.

Methodology

The study compared the personal savings rate, median household income and median wedding cost to determine how many years it would take a couple living together to save for a wedding. Researchers assumed that the couple receives no financial help and earns the median household income.

Data

This story was produced by SmartAsset and reviewed and distributed by Stacker Media.

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More and more couples are throwing out the playbook for a traditional wedding — and posing new challenges for the people they hire to create t…

When Julia and Robert Jones discovered that a judge from the Akron Municipal Court officiated ‘Star Wars’ themed weddings on May the Fourth, t…